Right now, if you know anything about the poor marks this musical has gotten you think I am certifiably insane. I am not. Three reasons why:

1)   I want to know desperately how one turns off the dark. Is it a difficult process? Is there a very large light switch involved? Is Spider-Man, with only his web-shooters and sticky appendages, capable of such a feat?!? Inquiring minds need to know!

2)    I’ve heard the set design and art direction is splendid. Seriously. Personally, I love really great artistic layout and visual splendor, and I imagine that if you went to the show, put in some headphone’s and blasted Gaga’s Born This Way album, you would be treated to a really quirky, feast-for-the-eye’s art show with a Marvel spin. Like if the MOMA  did superheroes, but with aerial stunt guys…

3)      This is the biggest one, and who couldn’t want this: I want to be able to say, thirty years down the line, “I was there when this all happened!” Who wouldn’t? There are no negative, consequential repercussions from this show (aside from nasty injuries). There’s no shame in watching something this big explode right before your eyes and coming away with no scars. It’s a badge of honor you can show to people at parties. “Yeah, I saw it,” you can say to oooohs and aaaahs. It’s just, innocently enough, all-out, earnest spectacle, coated in oil and gasoline, an set aflame for all of us to watch. This is a landmark moment for Broadway, something people will definitely be talking about for decades. Most mediums do not have the honor of having a high-publicity failure this monumental. Broadway lucked into this one – you need to be falling upwards to attain this kind of astonishingly grand, dramatic fiasco. Broadway fell up straight into this delightful mess, and, make no mistake, theater people love that people are talking about it. How could you not want to be a part of all that?

 

Unfortunately, our place and time often keeps us from jumping on all the pretty trains we want to catch. I wish I had the time, money and wherewithal to get a ticket to this show and witness the fiasco with my own eyes – I would eat up the atmosphere surrounding this show’s actual opening (six months late!) at my own leisurely, casual, pace, then I would loathe the actual product for ruining a character I love, and then I would just relish the overwhelming grandeur of it all as I came back with stories of horror to share with my friends  – but, alas, New York and Broadway are not in the cards for me, so I shall have to live vicariously through what I read. So, I ask for as much as I can get. Reviewers, tell me more! YouTube, show me more! (Just don’t make me listen to the songs!) Let me know what it truly means to (dramatic pause for effect) turn off the dark…

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